Why SHE Won't Marry You

Tuesday, 08 March 2011 16:17 Written by  Administrator

Special to GMO: By Adiat Baker

As I was skimming through one of my favorite sites last week, I came across a very interesting article written by Anslem “NWSO” Samuel, who is the creator the relationship blog Naked with Socks On. His article was a co-sign to a piece written a week earlier by Tracy McMillen for Huffington Post titled, “Why You’re Not Married.”


Both writers candidly expressed their reasons as to why many women have yet to walk down the aisle. Tracy draws attention to the flaws women have that prevent them from being married, while Anslem lists the reasons men won’t commit in “Why He’s Not Married: 10 Reasons He Won’t Commit to You.”

Needless to say, both of these articles ignited a fire in me. Having been married before, I know that marriage is not that great if you don’t enter into it with the right person and for the right reasons. I am newly single and back in the game; therefore, I have something to say on the topic. So, here is my rebuttal from a successful, single woman’s point of view.

1.   He can’t afford her.

In this day and age, women are earning more than they ever have before. They are able to provide nice things for themselves. They own elaborate homes, drive expensive cars and wear high-end, designer apparel. These are all things that they finance on their own. So, they shouldn’t have to lower their monetary standards. If you are going to marry us, you must be able to continue to provide these things, or at the very least, enable us to maintain these standards with the money that we earn. If I was wearing a Gucci bag when you met me, do you think I’m going to stop buying them when we get married?

2.   She has options, too.

Sure, there may be somewhat of a “man shortage,” but creative women can learn to work with what we have. We can also expand the pool by dating outside of our race and age group. Otherwise, we have the option of never getting married. Though it is a dream of most women to live in wedded bliss, some of us are just fine flying solo. At least we don’t have to deal with complaints about how much money we spent on shoes!

3.   She has more time than you think.

Women are born with set number of eggs, but with advances in medicine, childbearing years have been extended. Women have the option of freezing their eggs, using a sperm donor, in vitro fertilization and adoption, all of which allows females to become mothers well into their 40s. Therefore, women also have the ability to ‘play the field’ for a bit.

4.   She knows someone who looks better than you… and has more money!

Don’t be mistaken. Women are also visual creatures. We like for our men to be attractive so that we are envied by other women. We melt for tall, handsome athletic men who look good in a suit. And a man who is gifted between the sheets is a must. Even if a man has a great personality, if a more attractive man comes around, most women will be interested. And if a man comes along with more financial security, it’s a wrap!

5.   She can’t see you raising her children.

When a woman considers having children with a man, there are a few things that she considers also. Since women are the child bearers and the primary caregivers, she wants to make sure that childrearing will be somewhat of a team sport. She wants to be confident that her husband can truly be the leader of the household and set a good example for his children to follow. That’s the difference between wanting to be treated as a king and actually being a king.

6.   She’s scared.

It’s true that over half of marriages in divorce, but women don’t always come out on top. Most successful women enter into marriages with property and other monetary assets of their own. In the divorce, she has to split that with the man. In some cases, if she was earning more money than her spouse (which does happen. (e.g. J. Lo and Chris Judd), she has to pay him a settlement! Let’s not forget that the woman is usually left to take care of the children while her ex-husband goes out to find another chick.

7.   She’s not really attracted to you.

Contrary to popular belief, women also can sleep with a guy and not necessarily like him. Maybe he is physically attractive or is wealthy, but often that is not enough to keep us interested. Women are very complex creatures who require a great deal of attention. If a man is inconsiderate, not a good listener and or doesn’t stimulate her emotionally or intellectually, she will look for those attributes elsewhere.

8.   She hasn’t met “the one” yet.

Just because you think you’re a good catch doesn’t mean that you can satisfy her. Men have enormous egos and often times think they are better than they actually are. Just because you have a “good job,” aren’t gay or an ex-convict, doesn’t mean that you are her Prince Charming. Women are doing well for themselves and are beginning understand their worth. Therefore, a lot of great women want great men and they are deciding not to settle for “good enough.”

9.   She’s just not ready.

You may not believe it, but not all women are ready to trade in their personal freedom for an apron and trips to soccer practices. The truth is many successful enjoy traveling, shopping and just being free. Some women shy away from being tied down as they realize after marriage comes a baby carriage and it will no longer be all about her.

10.   She wants to feel like it’s his decision.

Most women have the desire to be married at some point in their lives. But they do want it to be the man’s decision. They want to be confident that the man truly loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her. She wants him to pick out the perfect engagement ring to show that he has actually been paying attention to her style and taste. Women don’t like to give ultimatums but often feel that is the only way to get a man’s attention. So, step up to the plate, fellas!


Adiat's Facts: Adiat Baker is a market research professional and aspiring image consultant who has a background in real estate finance. She currently resides in Chicago. Adiat enjoys writing in her spare time and is proud to be successfully single.








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