From a Man

Tuesday, 28 April 2009 16:57 Written by  Billy Montgomery

Ladies: You commit way too easily.  As I check out the social networking sites, it’s amazing to see how many of your pages are splattered with “wifey,” referring to your “hubby,” and of course. you are not even married, engaged or remotely close. At best, you are friends with benefits.

Ironically, I don’t see your “men” commenting on you in the same loving ways on their pages. While it is unbalanced, it should be a cue to realize that maybe he’s just not that into you.

As a photographer, I shoot my share of weddings, and while I love the wedding ceremony, I can’t wait to get to the reception to test my theory on commitment. At some point during the  reception, the bride and groom release tokens up for grabs to the single guests in the room. 
The bride tosses her bouquet and the groom flips a garter that has been removed from the bride’s thigh. As “Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)” blares in the background, eager, Kool-Aid smiling women of all ages, shapes and backgrounds elbow and push for the position to catch the bridal bouquet.  

Once it is tossed, it is like watching a tip-off at a basketball game as the women leap into the air to catch the item before it falls to the floor. The lucky winner screams and jumps a few times because tradition says she who catches the bouquet will be getting married next.

However, when it is time for the men to catch the garter, they have to be begged to come to the floor, and this goes on for several minutes until they finally are reminded that the reception hall is on a time schedule and the show must go on. When the groom releases the garter into the air, most of the time the guys let it drop to the floor. They think it is funny, but the underlying message is ladies are good enough to play house, but they are not ready to make a commitment to the home.

But don’t take it personally. More than likely it has nothing to do with you. Just protect your heart. He may not have the confidence to believe that he can provide the elements that a long-lasting relationship needs, mainly time. To him, being in a long relationship may equate being married which is the last thing on most of the fellas’ minds.  To them, commitment kills their freedom. Additionally, underneath all the swag, he may be hurting from past relationships and the fear stops him from giving 100 percent to your relationship. As a result, he runs from a commitment, for fear of repeating history.

There are ways around the fear, but you can’t force it by placing “wifey” symbols on your pages. The change must come from him. Try to be less “clingy” for a while and if he is into you, he’ll see you as a wonderful person he can gladly commit to. Practicing this will also make you appear independent and confident, which are qualities that most men don’t want to let go of.


Photography By Billy Montgomery

Billy Montgomery

Billy Montgomery

Billy Montgomery is the lead photographer and photo editor for GMO. He is a well-known photographer in the Chicago area, as well as a professor of journalism at Roosevelt University, where he also received his M.A. in the subject.

Billy can be contacted at