GlossMagazineOnline (GMO): Tell us more about your new book.
Jackie Christie: [The book] will be released right before Valentine’s Day. It will have celebrity guest authors and will present ideas on relationships and how to make your relationship last. There is a lack of intimacy in relationships, and the book focuses not only on the physical part of intimacy but also the little things.
GMO: Where do you think a lot of couples mess up when it comes to carrying on a successful relationship or marriage? What mistakes are they making?
Jackie: I would definitely have to say that me and Doug’s main three things are: respect, communication and intimacy. If you communicate, you’re telling your mate what you want and need in your relationship, and a lot of couples lack that or they lose it somewhere because they don’t step back and work through it. That’s one thing that me and Doug have practiced over the years, in our 16 years of being married. Even if we have an argument, we’ll sit down and talk about it, whether it’s later that day or another day. Communication is one thing you have to have in your relationship, and you’ll always feel fulfilled. A lot of people go and they venture off or they end up in other affairs because that other person is willing to listen, let them vent, talk to them and make them feel safe there. You have to make sure that you feel safe and good and fulfilled in your own relationship.
GMO: You’ve been married for quite some time, so what do you feel is the most important aspect of keeping a lasting marriage?
Jackie: Respect. You have to respect yourself. That also means you don’t do things to the other person that you wouldn’t want them to do to you, and that you always carry yourself in a respectful manner. You’re treating other people in a respectful way. What goes down comes back and that’s what Doug and I live by. If you have that, you have a very good chance to make it because you won’t do anything that would jeopardize your relationship.
GMO: There’s so much media coverage lately on the singleness of the black woman. Being a black woman who is married, how do you feel about this sudden interest in black women’s relationship status?
Jackie: I disagree with that idea because I feel like any woman can get a husband, any woman can be in a happy solid relationship. And I feel like African American women by nature, it seems to me, like we’re really strong—not that other women aren’t—but we’re very strong-minded and strong-willed, and we are leaders in our relationships, and I think that sometimes, that’s a little intimidating for the guys. They’re not used to that. It may be taken as an aggressive angry sort of behavior coming from us, but that’s not what it is at all. We’re high goal achievers and I think that my husband happens to love me because of my strength. But there are women all over the world, especially African American women in loving, strong marriages and relationships, and it’s not being reported on in the mainstream media. That’s why I write the kind of books I do…but you can’t give up on love. You will find that perfect match—you can make it.
GMO: There are so many celebrities today who get married, get divorced and repeat the cycle. Then, many people in general kind of bad mouth the institution of marriage. Why do you think it is not being taken as seriously anymore, especially with celebs?
Jackie: You have to covet marriage. You have to know that that’s a special thing that you’re involving yourself in. You’re making vows to not just your spouse but to God if you’re spiritual. You have to look at it as a union. You have to think, we’ve been blessed, we found each other in this big ol’ world, just these two people who are supposed to be brought together to love. We got married 16 times. That’s part of our way to share with each other and the world that marriage is beautiful, marriage is sexy, marriage is fun. This is something you want to have. I’m not saying that people should go out and rush and get married if they’re not sure about it, but once you are, you have to know that this is your life mate and you want to really spend your life with them.
I think that in the celebrity world, it’s made to be like a fun thing like, oh we’ll get married and if it doesn’t work out, we’ll get a divorce. We call it the five-minute marriage and 10-second divorce. And we’re always talking to people and saying, if you really embrace it, you will see that it’s the best thing in the world. That’s my best friend, my life partner, I can tell him anything. If I’m not happy one day, that’s what he’s there for, to uplift me and vice versa. Marriage is a beautiful union, and people should really take it more seriously.
GMO: You mentioned that you and Doug have been married 16 times. How long will you both continue to do that?
Jackie: We’re going to do that the rest of our lives. It’s a family tradition and something we both look forward to and we’re already planning [this] year’s wedding. It’s a beautiful thing that we share. It’s funny because I get a lot of people writing me saying, I’ve been married three years and we’re getting married again next year and we’re going to do it every year. It’s just really sweet and wonderful and I hope that it takes off and everybody starts looking at marriage in a more positive manner.
GMO: So 16 years is a long time to be with one person. Besides renewing vows, how do you keep it fresh and keep the spark going?
Jackie: It’s about not just being my best friend but being my soul mate, my confidant. We’re both very intimate people; we love being close. We love each other—we’re in love with each other. There’s a difference. Some people love someone because they’re in a relationship, but they’re not in love anymore. We keep our relationship fresh by thinking that every day there’s something new. This world is so full of different ideas and things to do and we just have so much fun. We can act silly together; I can let my hair down. That’s how we are and we try to raise our kids the same way. We try to be open and fun and just have a good time. We’re spontaneous. Also, we have a lot in common, we share common interests. That’s another thing that helps keep the spark. And we respect each other’s time, because we know we have the rest of our lives together.
GMO: What would you say are your top five tips for a successful relationship?
Jackie: Respect, communication, intimacy, loyalty and love.
GMO: So switching gears a little, how did it come about for you to be on “Basketball Wives L.A.”?
Jackie: I got a phone call from the producers of the show. I was familiar with the Miami show, but I thought it was a little different than my reality being a basketball wife. It seemed like a positive thing to do. They had Gloria on the phone. I knew her, knew her sister Laura, so I said, yeah let’s go for it and the rest is history. I felt like I wanted to dispel some of the rumors about Doug and I because there were some naysayers and some people out there saying, 'oh, she’s overbearing and she’s this and she’s that and she won’t let him deal with women.' They had all these misconceptions about our weddings and everything. I’m thankful that I did. It was a great experience.
GMO: With all these reality shows showcasing what seems like the worst in black women, a lot of people feel that these shows give all African American women a negative image. How do you address that?
Jackie: I totally respect their opinion and that’s what it is—it’s just their opinion. I have my opinion of it, and being a part of the show, I understand there’s a lot of good that happens. You meet other people, you develop relationships, you have lots of fun. We laughed together, we cried together, we helped each other, uplifted each other and what gets out on TV, hopefully they can see a message in all of that. Yeah, there’s a group of girls and there’s some arguing going on and some cursing and some passion happening, but underneath that, there’s really conflict that we’re showing, we’re having an issue and hopefully we can work it out some day and that’s what I hope that the people can see, not just the whole part of the drama. For us to have a hit show, that says a lot about what we’re doing.
People are always saying, 'oh my God, Jackie was so mean on there, she was doing this and that'—I’m just a passionate person. They brought me on there as like the mentor—I’ve been there, I’ve done that, I’m showing you guys the ropes pretty much. I was just trying to help them and motivate them, and I don’t really take to lies being told on me, or people not stepping up and owning up to who they are, so that’s where my passion came from. I have no anger toward any of the girls. That’s the kind of stuff that I explain when people say, 'well, what do you say about all the negative press that you’re getting?' We’re also getting a lot of positive press. I think a lot of people are going to start changing their minds after the show continues on. With reality shows, you want to see what’s really happening. I wouldn’t change anything about it.
Learn more about Jackie Christie at www.jackiechristie.com.
